His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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