Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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