There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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