My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will pee on everything he values.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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