I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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