Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize