need another drink. this is the easiest way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
