Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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