Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
