Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
