Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
