I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
