Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
