respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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