I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
