my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize