im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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