I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
