I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
