chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
