What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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