HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
