You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
