I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
