I wannas sexs uuuuu
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
