On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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