my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
