I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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