This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize