Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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