i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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