not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
