two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
