Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
