I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
