your room smells of hookers.
And success
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
