You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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