do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
