I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
