just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
