I didn't shave. On purpose
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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