just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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