Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
