No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
