Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
