; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
