cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
