What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
