Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
