he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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