It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
