apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
