Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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