A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
