i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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