if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
