Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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