someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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