Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
