Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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