I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
