are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
