You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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