Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize