i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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