I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
