I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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