I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
