i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize