perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this is an emotional support booty call
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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