im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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