So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
