I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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