I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
