at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
