If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
