I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
