I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
